dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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