I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
