Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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