I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
