You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
