I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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