I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
