my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
