Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I deserve this hangover.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
