I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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