I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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