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• (916): View more from California

  My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  who says it cant be both...

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (863): View more from Florida

  Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out

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