I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?