Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.