went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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