i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??