Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE