I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
