you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
