Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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