who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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