I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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