I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
