ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
don't judge my taste in strippers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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