cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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