I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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