yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize