the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
