I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
