you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
