I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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