I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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