Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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