Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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