Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
