I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
