Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
