I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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