If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
