How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
