Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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