the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we're so committed to being not committed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
