How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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