Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
