absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
