It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
