On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
