You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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