R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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