I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
