he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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