Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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