If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
