I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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