We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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