what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
