So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
