You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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