i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize