there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
