tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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