Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
