I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
