my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
