How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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