You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
