My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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