I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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