Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
