You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars