it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?