Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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