ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...