I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.