I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize