Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
