If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
