So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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