thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
