A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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