Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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