she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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