walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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