That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
