My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
