dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The uberlube is also flammable
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
