I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
